Rats…

I don’t care for marrows. I find them watery and best suited to, perhaps, cattle food. I am an inveterate Frog, when it comes down to it. I do like courgettes, and while some people consider them as essentially immature marrows which, strictly speaking, I suppose they are, I do not.

That’s because I like courgettes. I also like Magritte:

Magritte's pipe

‘This is not a pipe’, when it clearly is.

Ceci

bum

n’est pas une courge (which is the nearest I could get to a translation of ‘marrow’; I can honestly say I’ve never seen a marrow in France but I may have had a sheltered life). It ******* is.

It’s supposed to be a perfectly normal courgette plant, obtained at the Green Fair’s plant swap earlier in the year. It’s trailed everywhere and produced this swelling beast, revealing itself, I think as the Long Green Trailing variety – I do like accuracy in a plant name, but would have preferred accuracy in the marrow/courgette domain. So now what do I do?

Actually, I know. There’s a class for marrows in the Garden Show (of course there is, nous sommes ici) so I plan on growing it on to a monstrous size. I’m sure there are ancestral marrow-feeding secrets, perhaps preserved in ancient leather-bound tomes and sealed with mighty iron clasps, possibly even guarded by dragons*, which will give me some advice. But on the other hand, I could just ask one of my neighbours. He doesn’t grow marrows any more himself but – villages being what they are – I’m sure he’d be delighted if I challenged the long-standing marrow-growing supremacy of X, Y and Z…

*Or I could just have been watching Game of Thrones too much.

PS: Have just received first tip. Collect dirty wool from sheep fleece – sheep poo gets everywhere, but some areas are more blessed than others – and suspend in bucket of water using old onion bag. Allow to mature. Water with resulting liquid. I’m a spinner, so this would be possible – if I hadn’t just skirted a fleece and put the skanky bits in the brown bin, where they have now been joined by half a ton of grass clippings and a dead rat (thanks, Next Door’s Cat. Again). Seaweed feed instead, methinks.

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14 thoughts on “Rats…

  1. Janet/Plantaliscious

    Definitely seaweed feed! Though you may be missing a trick, perhaps decomposing rat feed would be the perfect way to generate giant marrows? And congratulations on turning courgette disaster into potential marrow triumph. Nice bit of positive thinking. I am trying to remember why I thought it would be a good idea to ignore last year’s lesson and grow two courgette plants again. For just me. At least I resisted the temptation to grow another kind as well, just for variety. Next year. Next year I will just grow one.

    Reply
    1. kate Post author

      ERHH!

      I wish I could have a courgette glut. I think it may be down to the exposure here, though I’m definitely doing better since I started growing them in pots. I’m also growing Crown Prince squab – would love a glut of that. Fingers XXXXXXX

      Reply
    1. kate Post author

      Entirely accurate. And it’s now about twice the size it was. Have just discovered there’s a size limit for the show (? surely the aim is to grow something ridiculous and inedible) so will have to cut it and season it soon. Or it might just go bang anyway.

      Reply
  2. wellywoman

    🙂 I started this growing season determined I would only grow one courgette plant. I have 3!!! and the glut has started. I can send them your way if you’d like? 😉 Comfrey feed is fantastic but it smells as bad as a decomposing rat.

    Reply
    1. kate Post author

      I thought I had two. I’d not have minded two. One is not enough – I know I’m tempting fate by even thinking that, let alone typing it…

      I can do decomposing rats (thanks so much, Fluffy Bum aka Next Door’s Cat) so maybe I’d better avoid adding comfrey to the mix as well.

      Reply
  3. croftgarden

    I’m in the middle of the courgette glut and the cake making is in full production. I tried sharing the recipe and now I have a friend who gives me her glut and has cake in return. Have I got this bartering business right?
    P.S. Seaweed can smell as bad as fermenting sheep poo!

    Reply
    1. kate Post author

      I like the exchange idea, but I’m not sure I can make cakes out of green beans (the latest glut).

      I’d wondered about seaweed, but for some reason we’re not getting much washed up at the moment. But it’s a gift normally, so I think I’ll start adding some of that and see what happens. Then all I need is Wellywoman’s comfrey suggestion and Fluffy Bum’s dead rat (slightly, um, used) and I should be able to empty the campsites when the wind is in the right direction.

      Reply
      1. croftgarden

        The best thing to do with seaweed is to add it to your compost or if you have plenty use it as a winter top dressing. This is the less smelly option.
        We have plenty of seaweed all year and after all the hot weather it is fermenting and maturing nicely. The aroma is an acquired taste but the flies like it!

        Reply
        1. kate Post author

          I’m definitely going to be using it this winter – most of the time the beaches are covered, but there’s been very little lately.On the other hand there are plenty of dead jellyfish. Nice.

  4. hoehoegrow

    The only good marrow is a stuffed marrow ! Courgettes are fine , but very very sneaky … turn away for a second and they morph into massive marrows ! They must be dabblers in the Dark Arts !!

    Reply

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