I was going to call this post something like ‘a***holes’ but then I thought it might vetoed or reported as mature or whatever WordPress do when they want to slap your wrists.
This is me. Or a representation of me. I’ve been slow with my posts. This post explains all.
Well, it explains something.
I’ve been having one or two bijou problemettes with my broadband. This is partly down to being in a rural area – tough – and partly down to living in a stone house. Granite does not help. And then we had a big power cut.
Router died. Power cut? Not sure. Not completely dead, but lost range and speed. That’s fine, have new router in waiting, allegedly with greater range. Faster too.
Install new router. New router not install OK. Ring wonderful ISP. ISP got mail problems so very busy. Grrrrr. Leave message. ISP ring me back (they do that, they’re wonderful), get me online. AOK.
Still can’t get decent signal in dining room. No range. New router huge and – remember – chosen for good range. Fab speed closer to router, though. ISP say possibly down to granite walls between me and router. I say ‘why now?’ they say not sure and has speed always been good in dining room. Have to admit generally crap. Settle for using laptop in front room, the one I tend to use for spinning etc, as opposed to the one where I sit in front of the television watching The Great British Bake Off with my mouth hanging open.
This means moving old mahogany table as can’t get chair under it without lifting flap, and flap at weird angle anyway due to bodged repair in past, so surface not level. That’s OK, have small pine desk upstairs with sewing machine on. Will swap.
Empty desk. Get desk downstairs.
Try to move table. Table heavier than white whale with a weight problem and about as co-operative. Am by myself but I can do this, all right? All right?
Drag table to bottom of stairs. Drag table upstairs a bit, table slides downstairs at speed, flaps open, leg frame separates from top, acquires extra momentum and lands first. Top pushes it into hall table which falls over. Am in Laurel and Hardy film.
Hall table fine. Fasten ******* leg frame back on to ******** top with completely inauthentic twenty-first century screws.
Tie flaps in place with overlong washing line. Drag table upstairs step by ******** step. Amazingly do not trip over washing line. Stick sewing machine on table, empty desk drawers full of sewing crap into shoe boxes, find basket to take previous contents of shoe boxes. Sewing room looks like Wrath of God.
Desk OK downstairs, but not got chair. Try kitchen chair, OK but not right. Try spinning chair, better but needs large cushion. Must make large cushion – er, that would be in the sewing room, except can’t get into sewing room. Downstairs room now looks odd due to modern pine desk under 19th C ship painting, but tough ****. At least doesn’t look as bad as sewing room.
I’ve simmered down now.
It took me three hours to sort out the house, though admittedly I did take a gin-and-very-old-fags-because-I’ve-stopped-smoking break (they were disgusting and no temptation to start again).
On the plus side, my broadband’s working beautifully.